The Red-Eyed Multi-blob Monster: The Wisdom of the Inner Critic

  Once upon a time, in land not so far away, the land of your dreams, nightmares, and darkest secrets, there was a monster. And not just any monster, but a red-eyed multi-blob monster. Now, you may never have heard of the red-eyed multi-blob monster, but that doesn’t mean he does exist. 

He hides under doorways, waiting to grab your feet. He hides in the fridge while you look for something to eat, He hides in the shower, deep down in the drain, but he hides in the toilet when it starts to rain.

He’ll hide in your ear when your trying to talk, yelling sarcastically, always read to mock. He swims in your stomach like an eel in a moat, waiting to criticize something you wrote. He lurks in the darkness, always ready to find something wrong with you or your writing, stealing your peace of mind.

Does he seem familiar now, now that I’ve described him?

Maybe you know him by a different name, but he is the red-eyed multi-blob monster just the same. The critic, the judge, the hangman, the gunner – he’s just so mean it makes you wonder, why he’s there at all, why we bother to listen to that monster in the dark – he’s got no wisdom!

Or does he?

        Well, I do suppose, he's got lots of eyes, and those things swimming towards him, they are his spies. They swim through the world, peeking around, checking it out, peeking around without making a sound. They come back to report, tell him what they’ve seen, what they’ve heard, and where they’ve been. And then the monster eats them, eats them alive, taking in all that they were, though they struggle to survive. They wriggle and wiggle and yelp, and cry, just moments before they keel over and die. And then the monster, his belly full of information, stews and thinks, and performs a little divination, predicating how things will turn out, telling you what’s wrong without a doubt. 

         But then, I say, he takes it too far, like guessing how many jelly beans are stuck in a jar. It’s just a guess based on what his spies have seen, but we believe what he says, no matter how mean, or untrue it may be or unhelpful it is, maybe the monster should just mind his own biz!

But wait, maybe there’s wisdom in there yet. What if he could just see without saying a word, notice how things are without giving a blurb. Ahh, yes, that would do it, to see but not to say, and then without judgement, and without dismay, we can fix our mistakes and learn from them well, instead of cursing and swearing and starting to yell:

“I’m stupid! I suck! I’m no good at all! An artist? No! A writer? No – not at all!”

Ahh, yes, it’s the eyes of the monster that allow us to see, but his teeth, oh they give us such misery. So let his teeth go, let go of the sting and the bite, and then finally you’ll be able to write, at least the first draft, but then bring his teeth back, for they’ll be ready to have a snack, to chomp on your grammar, your spelling mistakes, and more – ah yes, I’ve got it – that’s what the monster is for!

And so, by golly, I think that I have finally made friends with the red-eyed multi-blob monster, oh yes, I can say that I have – no longer afraid of that voice in my head, the voice that tells me it's all wrong – in fact, it's that voice, in the end, that makes my writing solid and strong.

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, Angela Dawn MacKay 

www.knottedwordscelticart.com, Twitter: @AngelaDMac, www.angelamackay.com

Healthy Hula Hoops: How to Have Healthy Boundaries

Imagine that you and all human beings have a hula hoop around them, just floating in space. In this hula hoop resides your rights as a person, your feelings, your needs, your preferences, your desires as well as your dislikes. In essence, the hula hoop is the physical boundary of your personal space.

Every one is happiest and healthiest when their hula hoops are close to one another, but not touching, just like this:

Unfortunately, in many families and romantic relationships, personal boundaries look more like this:

In the overlapping area lies are great source of confusion. In these relationships, we do not know whose rights are whose, whose feeling are whose, and whose responsibilities are whose. In essence, we lose a part of who we are in the relationship because the boundaries are unclear.

And so when you try to separate yourself from unhealthy boundaries in a relationship, it is common for their to be a strong reaction from the other person, as they are still confused about where your boundaries are. 

And so, it is your job to education them. Setting boundaries is not about controlling a situation or another person – it is more about honoring and protecting yourself. When you can keep your awareness in your own hula hoop and not jump into someone else's, then you will get to know your boundaries and needs, and be better able to communicate them to others. 

So pay attention and ask yourself the following questions:

• What do I want/need right now that I am not acting on because of concerns of how my choices will affect other people?
• Have I communicated my boundary to the other person in a clear, direct way? (eg. I feel angry when you tell me I can't spend time with my friends because I have a right to have friendships outside of this marriage.)
• Have I set my boundary and stuck to it? Or have I been bullied/guilted back into doing what other people want me to do instead of what I need to do?
• Do I need to set a stronger boundary in order to protect myself?

It is also important to keep in mind that boundary setting takes practice and you may be not that skilled at it in the beginning. You may struggle with not knowing exactly what being assertive feels like and you may err on either the side of being too passive or too aggressive. Be patient with yourself. Keep in mind that setting boundaries is not necessaryily about drawing lines in the sand and creating ultimatums. It is about speaking your mind authentically, being mindful of other people's boundaries, and respect yourself and others.

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, Angela Dawn MacKay 

www.knottedwordscelticart.com, Twitter: @AngelaDMac, www.angelamackay.com

Unravel my Riddle

Some say I'm addicted,
but I don't think so – I say
I'm in love.

Some say I have too many,
that I don't need any more,
but I don't think so – I say
you can never have enough.

I say I'm in love with the
flip, flip, flip,
with smell of old paper,
and the comfort of bed,
with the soft, down pillow
propped up under my head.

I say I'm in love with the
the soft evening light,
the hot chocolate and the fire,
I do say, my friend, is all I desire.

To curl up with one, or
curl up with a pile,
either way, doesn't matter,
for they both make me smile.

With a cat on my chest,
and a dog at my feet,
there's nothing better,
nothing so sweet.

What am I ?

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, Angela Dawn MacKay 

www.knottedwordscelticart.com, Twitter: @AngelaDMac, www.angelamackay.com

Ivan the Impatient Caterpillar

Ivan the Caterpillar was not patient at all.

He couldn't wait for anything, neither big or small.

Most of all, Ivan wanted to fly high in the sky,

never be happy 'til he became a butterfly.

“I wanna fly high in the sky

'cause I wanna be a butterfly.

Can't wait til I'm older, I wanna fly now,

fly high in the sky and I don't care how!”

Ivan sang as he wiggled along.

He climbed up the apple tree,

climbing as high as you can see,

and saw something near the buzzing beehive,

glimmering, shimmering, as if it were alive,

a golden leaf - sheek, shiny and wide;

perfect for a magic carpet ride!

It darted under Ivan, stopping right there,

hovering, hovering - waiting in mid-air,

waiting for a caterpillar to hop on board.

Ivan hopped on and away they soared!

They flew up and they flew down,

in zigzags, spirals, and all around.

Flying so fast, Ivan hung on tight,

hugging the leaf with all of his might!

Then Ivan, he lost his grip.

Off the magic leaf, he did slip.

Down, down, he went, starting to fall.

That's not want he wanted - No, not at all!

Down, down, he went, past the beehive.

Down, down, he went, in a nose-dive.

Now, what do you think will catch his fall?

A sparrow, wheelbarrow, or anything at all?

Will he fall flat on his face,

splattering all over the place?

Or will he land, safe and sound,

softly, softly, on the ground?

Well, Ivan fell hard and he fell fast,

but landed softly, safe at last.

Up out of a buttercup, he did climb,

climbing, climbing up a slimy vine.

As Ivan slipped and slid along,

he saw a thing, skinny and long,

a thing with wings that fluttered and flew,

and Ivan that saw it was someone he knew!

He lifted a leg, just about to say “Hi!”

to his friend, Daring Darla the Dragonfly.

Then Ivan, he lost his grip,

Off the slimy vine, he did slip.

Down, down, he went, starting to fall.

That's not what he wanted - No, not at all!

Now, what do you think will catch his fall?

A chick-a-dee, a bumblebee, or anything at all?

Will he fall straight into the ground,

down so far he'll never be found?

Or will he plummet into Fish Pond,

sinking, sinking, deep down and beyond?

Or will something save him from this disasterous fall?

Will anything save him, anything at all?

You guessed right if you thought it might be

Darla the Dragonfly, fast and carefree.

“Oh. Hi, Ivan – what were you doing up there?”

Darla asked as they dashed through the air.

“Well, I wanna fly high in the sky

'cause I wanna be a butterfly."
 Ivan did reply.

"Can't wait til I'm older, I wanna fly now,

fly high in the sky and I don't care how!”

They flew up and they flew down,

in zigzags, spirals, and all around.

Flying so fast, Ivan hung on tight,

hugging Darla with all of his might.

Suddenly, Darla dove down fast.

Down, down, they went, having a blast!

But then something went terribly wrong –

the wind was blowing terribly strong!

Down, down, they went, in a nose dive.

Down, down, they went, towards the beehive.

Darla dashed out with just a minute to spare,

then noticed that Ivan was no longer there.

Bouncing off a cloud like a diving board,

diving, diving, Ivan spun and soared!

Just for a moment, Ivan started to smile –

he was finally flying, flying freestyle!

Down, down, he went, past the beehive.

Down, down, he went, in a nose-dive.

Ivan started to panic and move around!
His little legs climbed so he wouldn't go down.

Fish Pond was approaching very fast,

as Ivan plummeted at full blast!

He turned bright green and he started to yell,

“Oh, my! I don't really feel so well!

I'm really scared and I don't know why

I couldn't wait to be a butterfly!”

Ivan hit the water with a belly-flop,

hitting it so hard with a gigantic plop!”

Splishing and splashing, Ivan coughed and choked.

Climbing up on a lily pad, he was totally soaked!

Darla flew over, rubbing her head,

Huffing and puffing, her face bright red.

“Oh, Ivan, you're all wet! Are you okay?

I know you haven't had a very good day.

Oh, why do you need to fly right now,

fly without wings when you don't know how?”

Ivan cried and cried, tears streaming down his face,

soaked with water and tears all over the place.

“I've tried so hard, but all I do is fall,

I'm never good enough, so why try at all?

I give up – I don't even know why

I thought I could be a butterfly!”

Darla wiped away Ivan's tears, and with soft eyes and a gentle smile,

said all of the things Ivan needed to hear, at least once in a while.

“Oh, my dear Ivan! Why can't you see

that you're a butterfly, already?

Your butterfly wings are deep inside,

but they will soon grow big, bright, and wide.

Butterfly wings simply take time.

On the inside, dear, you're just fine!”

Beyond the lily pad, Ivan then did peer

and saw his own reflection, bright and clear.

Ivan smiled as he started to see,

His true inside, as clear as can be.

Now what do you think he saw inside?

His joy, sadness, fear, and pride?

If it had a shape, what do you think it might be?

A star, a cloud, or a wave in the sea?

Even though a caterpillar, Ivan appeared to be,

Inside, he was a butterfly, as he could now see.

“I am happy, happy finally!

I am a butterfly already.

I don't have to fly to be alright,

'cause I'm a butterfly, bold and bright!”

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, Angela Dawn MacKay 

www.knottedwordscelticart.com, Twitter: @AngelaDMac, www.angelamackay.com

The Growing Tree: The Importance of Connecting with Space

So, I have to laugh at myself, yet again, for, although I have lots of space/time in my life, I always seem to fill it with fun, relaxing, or spiritual activities, like yoga, meditation, and writing, and suddenly, my life doesn't feel so spacious anymore.  Then I hear myself frequently saying to others "I just need more space!" and then I have to ask myself, just what is space anyway? If I had more space in my life, what would it look like? Would it be literal, like a bigger house or a bigger living room? Would it be mental, like more space in my head? And even if I had more space, whatever that looks like, what would stop me from filling it with clutter, both mentally and physically?

So, practically speaking, why would we want more space anyway? Why not cram our day, our minds, our houses, our lives full of more stuff, more clutter: more things to do, more things to eat, more things to read, more things to clean, more toys and gadgets and movies and friends and information and furniture, fashion magazines here, cookbooks there, swimming lessons over here, laundry and ironing over there – why not have our lives as full as this sentence?

Because, like trees, all things need space to grow, need space to deal with change, need space to deal with the unexpected. Just as trees need room to spread their branches and move with the ever-changing winds and unpredictable weather conditions, so do we. If there's literally no room in our lives, then dealing with that unexpected phone call, that unexpected sewer problem, that unexpected death will be very stressful, indeed.

Let's start with the first question: what is space? Just as the space of outer space is necessary to hold the matter of the universe, the planets, the stars, and so forth, space is necessary for anything to be at all; it is the intelligent, place holder that gives all of existence an opportunity to arise and manifest as it is, whether it be a large, green sofa or a brilliant epiphany. If you've got a small living room filled with old newspapers and out-dated encyclopedias, a room with no space at all, then there literally isn't any space for a large, green sofa.

Likewise, if you've got a small mind full of all the content of all those old newspapers and outdated encyclopedias, as well as worries and to-do lists, a mind with no space at all, then there isn't any space for a brilliant epiphany to arise.

So as far as I can tell, space is both literal, physical space, as well as emotional, mental space. And as you might imagine, the two have a positive relationship: that more physical space facilitates more mental space and more mental space inspires one to connect with more physical space.

So how do we do it, how do we connect with space? As we have seen, space is always there; we don't need to create it, we just need to find it under all that clutter and rubble and connect with it in a real, direct way. Here are some ways to find it, that elusive experience of space:

• Be Present: Come back to one of the five senses to connect with space: See the green needles on the baby pine tree, smell the Christmas tree smell, feel the prickly sensation on your fingers as you touch the pointy pine needles.
• Create More Unscheduled Time:  Create more unscheduled time in between scheduled things, no back-to-back appointments, meetings, or the like, making sure there's more time in your day than your lists of things to do require, giving you room to deal with whatever surprises the day may bring.
• Do Nothing: Yes, that's right, sit down and do nothing: no TV or computer or phone or even a book. Sit down and give yourself permission to do absolutely nothing.
• De-clutter your House: Get rid of stuff: furniture, books, clothes, and clutter, remembering that increasing physical space also increases mental space.
• Go Out into Wide Open Spaces:  Wander around in a farmer's field or a forest meadow. Experience the space a football field or the expanse of an ocean view.
• Meditate, or practice yoga or any other mind/body practice, for their very purpose to connect with space.
• Look Up at the Sky: the biggest space of all.                        

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, Angela Dawn MacKay

www.knottedwordscelticart.com, Twitter: @AngelaDMac, www.angelamackay.com

Be Here, Stand Tall: Thoughts on Compassionate Action

Be here and stand tall,

watching, watching, taking in it all,

all that you see, hear, feel, taste, and touch,

and when you have done that much,

you will see very naturally

what to do and how to be.

What you need to do 

will easily come through

when you breathe and let go

of all the things you thought were so.

Just pay attention and what to say

will roll off your tongue anyway,

no need to think, plan, or scheme,

just rest your mind in the stream,

and see the world like a dream,

knowing all is not as it seems,

and then you will see, oh so naturally

what to do and how to be.

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, Angela Dawn MacKay 

www.knottedwordscelticart.com, Twitter: @AngelaDMac, www.angelamackay.com

Squirmy Squid: A Tale of Impulsivity and Hyperactivity

Squirmy Squid liked to squirm around,

backwards, sideways, and upside down.

“You will sit still!!” his teacher did say

as Squirmy Squid squirmed around all day. 

“You should take your magic pill

that helps you sit so quiet and still.”

“I will not take that magic pill!

No! No! I won’t ! I won’t sit still!”

Squirmy Squid said as he squirmed around,

backwards, sideways, and upside down.

“You will take it, yes, you will!

You will take your magic pill!”

“No! I will squirm and swim about!

I will do it! Let me out!”

Squirmy Squid said as he swam away,

out of school, out to play.

“I will find a place for me.

I will find it! You will see!

A place where squids squirm round and round,

backwards, sideways, and upside down!”

So Squirmy Squid headed to the bay

Squirming, squirming all the way.

As he swam, he saw a whale,

eating, eating a garbage pail.

“Oh, Mr. Whale, would you know

Of a place where squids can go,

where squids can squirm round and round,

backwards, sideways, and upside down?”

“I am sorry,” the whale did say.

“I do not know where in the bay

squirmy squids can go to play,

where squids can squirm round and round,

backwards, sideways, and upside down.”

So Squirmy Squid headed to the bay,

squirming, squirming all the way.

As he swam, he saw an eel,

eating, eating a banana peel.

“Oh, Mr. Eel, would you know

of a place where squids can go,

where squids can squirm round and round,

backwards, sideways, and upside down?”

“I am sorry,” the eel did say.

“I do not know where in the bay

Squirmy squids can go to play,

squids can squirm round and round,

backwards, sideways, and upside down.”

So Squirmy Squid headed to the bay

squirming, squirming all the way.

As he swam, he saw a big sea bass,

eating, eating some broken glass.

“Oh, Mr. Bass, would you know

Of a place where squids can go,

where squids can squirm round and round,

backwards, sideways, and upside down?”

“Why, yes!” the bass did say.

“I do know where in the bay

Squirmy squids can go to play,

where squids can squirm round and round,

backwards, sideways, and upside down.”

“Swim beyond the coral reef,

Go past the ship of the pirate thief.

And there below in the abyss,

Is a place you cannot miss.”

“In that abyss, you will find

The squid playground you had in mind,

where squids can squirm round and round,

backwards, sideways, and upside down.”

“Oh, Thank you, thank you!” Squirmy Squid did say.

“Thank you for your help today!”

So Squirmy Squid swam to the coral reef

And past the ship of the pirate thief.

He swam into the abyss deep below

And saw hundreds of squids squirming to and fro!

“At last, I have found a place for me!

I have found it, as you can see!”

Squirmy Squid said as he squirmed around, 

backwards, sideways, and upside down.

Then Squirmy Squid saw a squid swim by, 

squirming, squirming and saying, “Hi!

You must be new here in Squirmy Squid Town,

A place where squids squirm round and round.”

“I’m the principal at Squirmy Squid School, 

Where squirmy squids learn by different rules.

Would you like to come and see

How squirmy squids learn differently?”

“Oh, yes, I would!” Squirmy Squid did say,

As he squirmed around all day.

So they went to Squirmy Squid School,

Where learning and squirming were really cool.

“Squirmy Squids need different tools

To be able to learn in school,”

The school principle did say

To Squirmy Squid on that day.

“Give them choice, some freedom to move,

Then squirmy squids will get into the groove.

The learning groove, where work becomes play

And squirmy squids will learn everyday!”

“Some quiet time to calm their minds,

Helping them to take their time.

Smaller classes to help them focus

With lots of action and hocus pocus!”

“Working at their own squirmy pace,

Remembering that school’s not a race.

Balance rules with lots of space, 

Letting squids squirm every place!”

“You mean, being squirmy isn’t bad?” 

said Squirmy Squid, feeling sad.

“Oh, no! Not at all,” the principal said,

As he squirmed and scratched his head.

“Some squids learn best when sitting still,

Other squids learn with the magic pill.”

“Squirmy squids are not good or bad.

They are just different, so don’t be sad.

Squirmy Squid, would you like to come

To Squirmy Squid School and have some fun?”

“Yes, I would,” Squirmy Squid did say,

As he squirmed around all day.

So Squirmy Squid went back to school,

Where learning and squirming were really cool.

He worked at his own squirmy pace,

Remembering that school’s not a race.

As he learned about science and math, 

Squirmy Squid could squirm and laugh,

As other squids squirmed around,

backwards, sideways, and upside down.

“I am happy, finally!

I have found a place for me!”

Squirmy Squid said as he squirmed around,

backwards, sideways, and upside down.

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, Angela Dawn MacKay 

www.knottedwordscelticart.com, Twitter: @AngelaDMac, www.angelamackay.com